Dare to Fall Read online

  “Should we just get a tray to share?” Will suggests, and we all agree on a tray of twenty-five and each toss some cash onto the table, which Will pools together as he stands, offering to get the food. I can see in Holden’s face that he wishes he had offered instead.

  “Is it just me or are Kailee Tucker and Jess Lopez staring at us?” Dani asks, speaking up for the first time. She keeps her voice low and her eyes on me, and she doesn’t look too happy. I look past her, over Jaden, and find their table again. Sure enough, their curious gazes are boring straight into our booth, but the second my eyes meet theirs, they look away, embarrassed.

  “I think they’re just surprised to see you out again,” I admit, looking back at Dani. I’m not going to lie, because it’s not a cruel truth. They are surprised to see her. People are surprised in a good way. What I don’t add is that they’re probably more surprised to see them out with me.

  “You know you live in a small town when people are surprised to see you outside of your house,” Dani murmurs, pulling the long sleeves of her black T-shirt over her hands and then folding her arms across her chest, sighing.

  “Dani,” Jaden says, gently nudging her with his elbow. He frowns at her and there’s something in his blue eyes as he looks at her that I can’t quite understand, something unspoken between them, almost like a warning.

  “I just wish people would get over it already,” she adds quietly, her expression sad as she leans back against the padded booth. “You expect us to move on and live our lives as normal and yet you don’t make us feel normal.”

  Jaden glances between Holden and me with an apologetic sort of smile, sorry that Dani has made the conversation an impossible one. Now we’re back at square one again, where neither Holden nor I have a clue how to respond.

  “As you can imagine,” Jaden says, forcing a laugh as he attempts to lighten the mood, “we can’t wait to graduate.”

  Holden’s expression is blank as he studies the twins, trying to figure them out, and with piqued interest he asks, “Why? Are you leaving Windsor?”

  “Hopefully,” Jaden says, nodding, though Dani rolls her eyes at him, seemingly annoyed. But I get it; I can understand why they would want to leave. Next year, when they start college elsewhere, no one is going to know their history; no one is going to know about “the Hunter tragedy”; no one is going to tiptoe around them like the way us folks in Windsor do.

  At that exact moment, before anything more can be said, someone quickly slides into the booth next to Holden. It’s Darren. Holden immediately exchanges a concerned look with me, and I part my lips, prepared to tell Darren that now isn’t the time and to leave us alone. The guy I left him for is sitting right next to me.

  “Hello, kids,” he says with that annoyingly arrogant tone of his. There’s a patronizing smirk on his face as he rests his elbows on the table and leans forward. If it were just the two of us here, he would be his happy, sweet, gentle self. But when he has an audience, he changes. “So where have you guys been tonight?” he asks, glancing sideways at Holden.

  “We had a game,” Holden says, keeping his answer short. He doesn’t ask anything in return, and instead pulls out his phone again and returns to fake texting. He’s not Darren’s biggest fan, and the last thing he wants to talk about right now is the game.

  Darren’s dark eyes flicker to meet mine and he smirks. “Were you there too, Kenz?”

  There’s irritation rising in my chest at the mere sight of his cocky expression. It is so frustrating watching his personality change so drastically depending on who he is surrounded by. I know that he is a nice person, really, but to everyone else, he is nothing more than Darren Sullivan the Asshole. I can’t deal with this ridiculous act that he puts on.

  “Yes, Darren, I was there,” I say very slowly and very firmly, emphasizing my annoyance that he thought it would be okay to come over here. I sense Jaden shift uncomfortably at the end of the booth. He knows that Darren and I were together; however, Darren doesn’t know that Jaden is the person I still had feelings for. And I do not want him to find out.

  “Have you thought anymore about what we talked about?” Darren asks. I don’t like the way he words this, as though it was a willing, casual conversation on my part when he ambushed me at work on Monday. It certainly wasn’t.

  Holden narrows his eyes suspiciously at me. I haven’t told him and Will that I spoke to Darren on Monday, because I didn’t think it was even important. Run-ins with Darren are a regular occurrence. He appears out of nowhere, claims he misses me, and then tries to get back together. I don’t know how long he’s going to keep trying until it finally hits him that it’s never going to happen.

  “No, I haven’t,” I answer, looking him straight in the eye. I am silently pleading with him to leave, and I can only hope my cold tone is enough to convince him that although we are friends, I don’t want to be around him right now.

  He cocks his head to one side as he reads my expression, that silly smirk still on his face as he studies me intensely, the gears in his mind shifting while he considers what to say next.

  But he doesn’t get the chance to say anything at all, because suddenly Will is back, apprehensive as he pushes the tray of chicken onto the table. His eyebrows are furrowed as he glances down to see who’s stolen his spot in the booth, and the second he realizes it’s Darren he fires me the same look of concern that Holden did.

  “What are you doing here?” Will asks, defensive on my behalf. He’s never really liked Darren either.

  “I just came over to catch up with my old buddies,” Darren says, grinning wide as he gets to his feet. He places his hand on Will’s shoulder and, in the most patronizing manner possible, asks, “Anything new with you, Water Valley kid? Dad paid your way into Harvard already? Got a boyfriend yet?”

  “Hilarious,” Will deadpans, shrugging Darren’s hand off him and stepping back. He stuffs his hands into the front pockets of his jeans and continues to hold Darren’s taunting gaze, never looking away, never looking down. Darren is being more of a jerk than he usually is, and I’m pretty sure he’s only acting this way because I shut him down on Monday. He’s retaliating by putting up a front and hitting my friends with snide remarks, which he never would have done months ago.

  “Darren,” I say, shaking my head at him. He’s not even worth the effort of grinding my teeth over, so I briskly wave him away with my hand. “C’mon. Go back to your own friends.”

  Darren’s eyes flicker back over to meet mine. “But you haven’t introduced me to your new friends yet.”

  I glance sideways at Dani and Jaden. They’re both silent. Dani looks more uncomfortable than ever, her eyes on the table, expression blank, trying her best to not get involved. Jaden, however, is looking up at Darren with narrowed, curious eyes. I can already place a bet on what he’s thinking. He’s trying to figure out why I ever dated Darren. I sometimes find myself asking the same thing.

  “Jaden Hunter,” he says, then gently nudges his shoulder against Dani’s as he motions toward her. “And this is my sister, Danielle.”

  Darren’s expression softens for a split second as realization dawns on him. He looks at me again, but this time it seems he’s searching for an answer. “Hunter?” he repeats, and I give him the smallest of nods to confirm his thoughts.

  “Yep,” Jaden says, plastering a smile across his face. Immediately, I can tell it’s fake. It’s not his real smile, the one he gives me, the one that’s crooked.

  “Right,” Darren murmurs. He’s lost his ego now and he awkwardly scratches the back of his neck, unsure of what to say next. Quickly, he glances over his shoulder, back to his friends, who are still the loudest booth in the joint. “I should go.”

  I don’t even look at him again. Instead, I pull the tray of chicken fingers toward me and pay more attention to scouring the pile for the juiciest piece than I do to Darren. “Yeah,” I say with a shrug. “See you.”

  No one says anything more as Darren turns on his heel
s and scuffles back across the restaurant to the safety of his friendship circle, who—for the record—are all pretty much morons. I used to think they were cool, but they’re really not.

  “No offense, MacKenzie,” Dani says, finally looking up, her voice stronger than it was before, “but if I’m not wrong in figuring out that that’s your ex, then you dated a douchebag.”

  “You got that right,” Will says, nodding in agreement.

  Jaden stays silent, but he catches my gaze. The warmth in his expression contrasts with the cool, ice blue of his eyes, and I wonder just what exactly, in that moment, he thinks of me. Maybe he thinks I’m an idiot for dating Darren. Maybe he thinks I’m smart for getting myself out of that relationship. Maybe he’s glad that I did.

  8

  The drive home to Windsor is a lot more comfortable than before. Holden has eased up a little and he’s slumped against the passenger seat, his head tilted to the side as he stares out of the window and into the darkness. He’s still listening, however, and I hear him laugh under his breath every once in a while when one of us says something even remotely funny. Will’s tired; I can tell by how quiet he’s gone as he focuses on the road with strained eyes. I’m in the back seat again, but this time Dani is in the center, separating Jaden and me.

  Just as we’re driving along Main Street, Will casts a nervous glance at the Hunters in the rearview mirror. His eyes shine, glossy from the streetlights that glare in through the windshield. “Where do you live?” he asks slowly, his voice barely audible. It’s an awkward question to ask and I realize as soon as he says it that I don’t know the answer either. A year ago, Will would have been dropping the Hunters off at their house on the northern side of Main Street, on a quiet, small street that overlooked the lake. But a new family lives there now.

  “Ponderosa Drive,” Jaden answers without missing a beat. “It’s by the ball parks.”

  “Ah,” Will says after he thinks for a moment. “Got it.”

  Even though both mine and Holden’s houses are closer, Will doesn’t turn off Main Street to drop us off, and I know it’s because he doesn’t want to be left alone with Jaden and Dani. He’d rather waste his gas by driving back and forth than drop us off first, but I don’t mind. I’m in no rush to get home.

  Holden releases a yawn then, most likely exhausted after the game. He buries his head further into the passenger seat and runs his hand over his face, rubbing at his eyes. “I can’t wait to sleep until noon tomorrow,” he mumbles. He’s lost interest in controlling the music, so we’ve all been listening to terrible chart remixes for the last ten minutes. The heating is on too, filling the car with warmth.

  “Lucky for you,” I say. I’m pushed up against the door by my shoulder, and it’s not exactly the most comfortable of positions. My hand is in my hair, slowly massaging the back of my head. It has been a long week, and tonight has left me with a lot of questions, like: What does Jaden think of me now? “I have work at ten.”

  Out of the corner of my eye, I notice Jaden leaning forward only slightly, peering at me over Dani. Her eyes are closed, but she’s awake. “Do you still work over at The Summit?” he asks.

  I lift my head, shifting my tired gaze to look at him. He seems genuinely curious whether or not I still work five shifts a week. Does he still feel the same about me as he did a year ago? Probably not, and I can’t expect him to after the way I let him down, but it still hurts to realize it. “Yeah.”

  “Long shift tomorrow?”

  “Until six, so yeah.”

  Jaden pulls a face and leans back again, out of view behind Dani, so I sit back too, weaving my fingers back into my hair. I look out at the quiet streets of Windsor. It’s not that late for a Friday night, but for the most part, the roads are still pretty empty. We pass the ball parks at Chimney Park, which I’ve never once used in my entire seventeen years of living here, and then Will pulls around onto Ponderosa Drive. It’s a nicer part of town. It’s not a wealthy area like Water Valley, but still the houses are of a nice size and better maintained than the houses on my side of town. Jaden quickly sits up again, sliding forward to the edge of his seat and hooking his arm around the headrest of the chair in front. He leans forward between Will and Holden, pointing out the windshield with his free hand.

  “Just up there,” he tells Will. “The one with the boat.”

  Will steps on the gas a little and we speed up toward the house on the corner of the intersection. He pulls up against the sidewalk and brings the Jeep to a stop outside Jaden and Dani’s grandparents’ home. The porch lights have been left on, but the rest of the house appears to be in darkness. The lawn looks overgrown, but it’s hard to tell for sure, and the perimeter is lined with small shrubs. The house is much bigger and much nicer than my own, though smaller and less lavish than the Hunters’ previous home. I spot the black Toyota Corolla in the driveway, the one that Jaden sometimes drives. Just behind it, however, tucked into the corner of the driveway on a patch of gravel is a small boat, hidden beneath a bright blue protective cover.

  I remember that boat.

  It belonged to Jaden and Dani’s dad, Bradley. He and Kate used to take it out on the lake all the time. I went with them once but it feels like such a long time ago now, that first day in August out on the water with the sun burning down on us, Brad and Kate in the front, Jaden and I in the back, enjoying the refreshing splash of water as we cruised around for what felt like hours.

  Two weeks later, Brad and Kate were killed.

  It was never confirmed what exactly caused the accident. My uncle, Matt, was one of the first cops on the scene that night. He once told me it was one of the worst accidents he’d ever been called out to. They know for sure that Brad and Kate were on their way home from a late night at the office. They both worked for the Fort Collins Press. Kate was a journalist, Brad was an editor. Apparently, that’s how they met. They would often stay behind to finish up new features, so their late drive home was nothing unusual. But on that night, sometime before midnight, their car flew off the dark, empty road. They hit a tree at such a high speed that the front half of the car was crushed instantly. They didn’t stand a chance.

  There were no witnesses to the crash, so the cause of the accident was determined through the process of elimination. There was no ice on the roads at that time of year. No mechanical faults in the car. No alcohol in Brad’s system. All the police know is that something caused Brad to swerve that night, most likely an animal. Those fields are full of suicidal deer.

  “Kenzie,” I hear Jaden say, his voice loud and forceful, and immediately I snap back to reality. I hadn’t even noticed that I’d zoned out, my mind in a completely different place, and as I quickly blink to bring myself back up to speed, I realize that Dani and Jaden are already out of the car. Jaden’s hovering by the door, holding it open as he looks back in at me, perplexed. “I said ‘I’ll see you later’?”

  Did he? I didn’t even hear him, and now I’m slightly thrown off as I murmur, “Yeah,” and give him a quick nod. Was it a real question, as in he really plans to see me later? Or just a casual goodbye?

  Behind him, Dani has her arms wrapped around her shoulders, hugging herself to keep warm in the chilly air. Her blue eyes meet mine, and for a fraction of a second, she smiles. I don’t know if I’m still zoned out or not, but I’m pretty certain it was a thankful smile, and then Jaden pushes the door shut with a thud, and it puts me fully back on track.

  Will waits out front for a few seconds as we watch Jaden and Dani make their way straight past their parents’ boat and up to the lit porch. They linger for a moment as Jaden fumbles in his gym bag for the keys, but as soon as he finds them and slides them into the lock, Will takes off.

  “Okay,” Holden says blankly, finally sitting up, more alert than before. He twists around in the passenger seat so that he can peer around the headrest, looking unhappy. “Way to catch us off guard! Some sort of warning would have been nice, you know.”

  “Nobody ever i
nvites them anywhere,” I tell him, defending my actions. I know I didn’t get a chance to let Holden know that the Hunters might have joined us, but it’s not that big a deal. I am the one who has an issue with the Hunters, not him, so if I can be around them without it being too awkward, then so can he. I invited Dani along to Cane’s with us because I thought she might like some company, and judging by the smile I think she just gave me, I’m pretty sure she appreciates the gesture, so I feel slightly better about myself now.

  “Um, nobody invites them anywhere because Dani looks as though she is going to burst into tears any second,” Holden continues quietly, “and Jaden freaks me out because he acts like nothing happened, so I don’t know who’s worse. Some time to prepare would have been great. I thought you didn’t want anything to do with them?”

  Will removes a hand from the steering wheel and gently slaps Holden on the arm. “Dude, you’re acting like Kenzie threw you into the damn lake,” he says, rolling his eyes. “Now get out of your pissy mood and lighten up. Kenzie was just being nice.”

  Holden grinds his teeth and turns away from me, slumping back into the passenger seat. He’s not the best at keeping his thoughts to himself, especially when he’s already in a bad mood after losing the game earlier. Shrugging off his words, I turn back to the window, closing my eyes. Tonight might have been a bit of a shock; Jaden might have shown up and Darren might have been a jerk, but I still feel like I’ve done something good.

  Will drives me home first, all the way back to the other side of town in the direction we just came from. It’s 11:30PM, but I know my parents will still be awake. They often stay up until all hours of the morning at the weekend, watching Friday-night TV until they eventually doze off on the couch together. That’s why it’s no surprise when Will pulls into my cul-de-sac that I can see the flashing of the TV from the living room window.